Bitter or better…it’s your choice

Have you ever had to spend any time around someone that is bitter?  Maybe just a day or two…or perhaps they live close and you see them on a regular basis.  Do you find your time with them enjoyable and relaxing?  Does it make you want to call them up and go for coffee?  If you’re like me, your answer is “No thank you!!”  Bitter people have a way of draining you and just sapping the energy right out of you…and they make you want to turn around and run when you see them coming.  (Ok, don’t tell me I’m the only one that feels that way!! 😉 )

A few days ago I was walking to town with some of my girls and we were talking about the subject of bitterness.  We were talking about people we know that are bitter and angry, and have quit on God…and we also talked about people we know or have read about that have gone through so much and yet they continue to serve the Lord with a smile on their face and a song in their heart.  The difference is stark and so very obvious.

A thought that came to my mind as we were having our little discussion was,

It’s not easier for others not to get bitter…they just chose not to be.

One of the reasons I believe that is because we have seen so many go through a trial and they quit on God; then we’ve seen others go through great trials and they keep living for the Lord.  What made the difference?  A daily walk with God and a determination…a choice…not to let what happened make them quit and be bitter.

Have you ever looked at someone that has gone through a horrific situation and thought, “Wow, they must be an especially strong Christian, not to be bitter and mad after all that.  I mean, look at them!  They’re not complaining and they’re actually a joy to be around!  Hmmm.  It must not have affected them as much as what ‘so-and-so’ had to go through…they’re still not over it and they even left church because it was so hard.”

Like I mentioned regarding grief in another post, for some reason, we tend to fall in the habit of “comparing” people’s grief or trials, which in turn makes us reason that because someone is not bitter, their trial must not have been that hard for them – or if someone has gone through a dark valley and they became bitter, we shake our head in pity, thinking that their trial must have been much harder and we have the (unconscious?) thought that they actually “deserve” to be bitter because of what they’ve gone through.  The media today has such a loud “voice” and is everywhere we turn; it has also made us so lazy and in so many ways we have allowed it do our thinking for us, which in turn causes us not to stop and think for ourselves about what we’re really thinking.  (whew!!  Maybe you should read that last sentence again…I think it’ll make sense! lol) Before we even realize it, we come to some of our conclusions and we get a pretty “whacked out” mindset!  If we DID stop and think, we’d see how…well…whacked out, our thinking was!  I mean, can we seriously think it’s really easier for one person than another to come through a difficult situation without becoming bitter?

{Lesson #1 from previous paragraph – be careful what you let yourself read…and believe…on the internet/TV/media.  If it doesn’t line up with the Bible, chuck it!!  Immediately!  Lesson #2 – If you have a hard time keeping your thinking lined up with God’s Word, limit your media intake drastically, if not altogether.}

The “not-bitter” person has chosen to keep reading their Bible and praying.  They’ve chosen to trust their Heavenly Father, even though things don’t seem “fair” and they may not understand why God has allowed hard things to come into their life.  There are many people that we know that I look at and marvel how they’ve gone through their great difficulties and yet they continue to love the Lord with all their heart.

Does that mean they never struggle with wrong or negative emotions or thoughts?  Does that mean that they never cry out to God, “Why, Lord???”  No, definitely not!  They are still human!  They do struggle and they do have negative thoughts and feelings, but it’s what they have allowed to dominate their thoughts and what they’ve chosen to believe, that has made them what they are today.  They recognize the lies of the devil and choose not to believe them.   They read God’s Word, and fill their minds with it and believe it.  And they live it!  They live verses like Philippians 4:8 –

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

And they live Psalm 69:30, 31 –

I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving.

This also shall please the LORD better than an ox or bullock that hath horns and hoofs.

They have learned to offer unto their God a sacrifice of praise.  It’s when they give praise to their God and its given as a sacrifice, because it didn’t come easy, but they give it anyway.  As we all know, the writer of the Psalms didn’t exactly live a peace-filled life.  David was often running for his life.  He experienced great loss and sadness…for years.  Perhaps that’s why he could write so much about giving thanks and praise unto God, and how that means more to God than a sacrifice of an ox or bullock.  I don’t know how many times the word “praise” shows up in the book of Psalms, but I know it’s a whole lot!!  I believe David learned something in his hard times, don’t you.  Was it easier for him than for us?  No…he just chose to give praise, even if he wasn’t “feelin’ it.”  And do you think if he chose to be bitter instead of better because of his hard times, that the LORD would have chosen him to write this book that, for centuries, people with broken hearts turn to it in times of despair?  I don’t believe so.

On our walk, one of my girls said they had heard someone say,

There is no such thing as a thankful, bitter person.

Stop and think about that.  Here…I’ll let you read it again… There is no such thing as a thankful, bitter person.

We all have our stress and our hard times.  Times of loss and disappointments.  Can we praise Him anyway?  Even if we’re hurting?  Even if we’re “not feelin’ it?”   Let’s face it, there are going to be times in our life that we need to give thanks for what we know, not what we see or feel!  The question is, will we do it?!  It will make the difference of us being better or being bitter.  Will you offer unto God a sacrifice of praise?

One sweet lady, whose books I love to read, wrote these words during her battle with cancer:

  “The garment of praise – that’s what I need to dress in right now.  By the act of the will we have to take off the garment of heaviness and put on the garment of praise!”  Then she went on to say, “Praise does not come easily.  It is a sacrifice, an act of the will, to acknowledge our sovereign God.  Fear, doubt, and discouragement are tools of the enemy, darts to wear us down with despair.  Praise marshals an army of thanks to God.  Just counting small blessings will bring an anthem of praise.  Joy surges from the depth of our spirit and strength returns to the mind and body.  I said aloud, ‘Okay, Margaret, when I am afraid I will trust and sing praises.  I will trust the Lord.'”  ~ taken from the book,  All God’s Children Got Robes by Margaret Jensen.

Margaret openly admits that she had her struggles.  Page after page she penned them.  Did it make me think less of her?  No way!  Why??  Because on the “next page” I read of her victory and how she reached out to God – sometimes in trembling faith (because sometimes she sure wasn’t feelin’ it!) and she didn’t allow bitterness to take root and ruin her.  Struggling isn’t a sin.  But what are we going to do about it?  Will we be better…or bitter?  Margaret said that when she dressed in the garment of praise that the “what ifs” slinked away in defeat.  But the doubts did come back…you can be sure of that!  It wasn’t total victory every day after that.  She said the questions came back like darts against her faith.  “What purpose does this serve?  Where is God when it hurts?”  She was human…but it’s what she chose to do each time the doubts and bitterness wanted to come and take root that brought her back out and kept her sweet.  She said, “Praise opens fountains in the desert, when murmuring brings judgment…You unclog the channel with praise.  Praise is like a detergent that clears out the cobwebs of the mind.”

Those are some quotes I’ve written in my little notebook…my little notebook that I need to take out more often, I think.  To steer my thoughts in the right direction and to keep me praising the Lord.  Because I’m always “feelin’ it?”  Nope.  Afraid not.  But I do have a choice…will I let my hard times help me and make me better, or will I allow bitterness in and ruin me and my effectiveness for the Lord?  It’s up to me and me alone.

Are you struggling?  We all do!!  One pastor’s wife said it this way, “All of the people are struggling all of the time.”  The real question is, What will we do with our struggles??  Will we let our difficult times and our struggles make us a better person or will be let ourselves become bitter?   The world has enough bitter people in it…let’s chose to be better because of our difficulties and not bitter!!  Cancel your membership to the “Bitter Club” and join the “Better Club!”  The choice really is yours.