Talking about a “taboo” topic

“Dear voice of doubt,

Shut up.

I’m going to write anyway.”

I read this on Instagram quite a while ago and it spoke to me then…and it did again today…so here I am writing anyway, hoping it will be a blessing and encouragement.

Probably because it is how I feel so much of the time when I sit down to write or even just think about writing. So many thoughts of doubt come. Doubts that I’ll even have words to write. Doubts that my words aren’t coming out right (Joe, does this sound ok? Do you get what I’m trying to say?? Does all this even go together?!). Then I often wonder why one little post can take me soooo long sometimes (seriously, is it supper time already?!) and I wonder if I’ll have the wherewithal to do it all over again in a week or two.

It’s probably a very common struggle with anyone who writes (please say it is), but when you don’t see that struggle in others and you only read the beautiful writings of your favorite authors, you come up with the misconception that “it’s just easier for them and there must be something wrong with me because its just so hard.”

Like I’ve mentioned quite a while ago, I have been thinking a lot about and planning to write about Christians and depression.

(Did I just hear a groan? Oh. That was me?! Yeah.)

This isn’t an easy thing to talk about for anyone, so let’s just jump right in…

Last fall our family was enjoying a chat with some very dear friends that were here visiting. These hot topics – Christians and depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. – came up and I was planning to keep my mouth shut because, well, I didn’t want to admit that I’ve struggled with these things, and have them think less of me.

But as the conversation went on I couldn’t help myself and I choked out that I too am “one of those” who have struggled with depression and PTSD. I waited for the guilt to be heaped on and looks of disapproval.

But you know what? They never came. Instead, there were words of understanding (though not from personal experience, but from deep love) and there was a hug and words of encouragement later whispered in my ear. (Thank you, Lord!)

Maybe one of the reasons Christians with depression have such a bad stigma is because so many think it’s something that you can personally decide to “get over” and if you don’t it’s because you really don’t want to.

Through my 4 dark years in the mid-nineties, I read books and heard preaching about how others were fully delivered from this ugly monster called depression. One person woke up one morning and just decided not to be depressed anymore. And *poof* they weren’t. Or someone else went to their church one day when no one was there, and they poured out their heart to God and was gloriously delivered and never struggled ever again.

Talk about wondering what was wrong with me!! I mean, I took vitamins and exercised, for crying out loud! I was still going to church every time the doors were open. I read my Bible. I prayed and cried out to God. I begged and pleaded to be delivered. And I wasn’t. No *poof* for this girl…only more poop.

Why did so-and-so have that miraculous delivery and I didn’t?? What’s wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong? These questions all swirled around in my heart and mind and let me be honest with you, I never got any answers. And that was hard.

The times that I did end up talking to someone about what I was going through (and let me tell you, you choose those people very carefully), I would describe it as “silent suffering.”

It’s not like you broke your leg and everyone can see…and sign!…your cast. You haven’t been told you have cancer (thank God) and you will need months, maybe years of chemotherapy; and you have the hair loss to show just a small part of the pain you are going through. You’re not in a wheelchair that tells everyone that sees you that you’ve suffered a terrible, physical blow.

Depression is not only hidden deep inside each one that suffers from it, but it is also something that so many have never experienced (whether personally or a loved one or close friend) and with the lack of understanding it’s a topic that is often brushed aside, or ignored for a lack of knowing how to respond or perhaps even scoffed and criticized. (Que heavy guilt right there. I mean, hello! Get over it and move on, right?! And God forbid that we medically treat anything from the neck up!! Ok, Mitzi, calm down…calm down.).

That evening at our table a single comment was made that planted a seed thought in my heart and that seed has been growing and spreading in my mind and onto paper. Some are filling pages in a notebook, and some make their way on a scrap piece of paper that is close by when something else comes to my mind. Even a simple children’s song has been part of the process.

Personally struggling with depression on and off through the years has made me oh so passionate about bringing awareness to it and giving other Christians “permission” to talk about it. And my family, who has traveled this road with me, has also learned a lot and it has enabled them to sympathize and encourage others who are struggling, too.

Yes, I approach this topic with a lot of passion, but also with a whole lot of fear and trembling, too. It is not only a “taboo” subject, but there are so many “fuzzy” areas that, well, there’s just no simple answers. And I in no way want it to seem like I think I “have all the answers.” Oh my goodness! Far from it! But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are too many others out there that are “suffering silently” and my desire is to share things that I’ve learned in my journey and try to be a help and encouragement to you.

So stay tuned, as I hope to share more of these thoughts in the near future.

P.S. I have a big favor to ask – I am always looking for more insight on the topic of Christians and depression. If there is something you would like to share with me that could be helpful for others (whether a personal experience or something you have read or heard), please contact me via email (shabbysugarwump at yahoo dot ca). I promise I will keep any and all personal info – names, email addresses, etc. – completely private. Thank you!

Disclaimer: This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions.