Oh yes He cares!

Today I had a good cry, missing my momma and my Benjamin. I’ve been working on a different post for a few days now but then I came across something I wrote just a few months after Benjamin went to be with the Lord and I thought I’d share it with you all today…the day before Mother’s Day.

As most of you know, our son Benjamin was diagnosed with a brain tumor a month before he turned four. He fought a very brave battle and after about a year and a half he passed away in his sleep at home, August 16, 1993.

Three months later we packed up all our possessions and drove to Pickle Lake, Ontario, Canada to be missionaries among the Native Indian people on a reserve close by.

April 25, 1994 (two days before Benjamin’s first birthday in heaven), I wrote –

“Poems were never one of my things. A few thoughts come to mind, I jot them down then I hit a stump! They come faster then I could write them then I forget them just a fast!

“But Lord You know my heart! What would I do without You? What a Friend You’ve been to me!

“I can’t say I understand everything You choose to do. I know You could have healed my son, but You didn’t. Instead, You let him live in pain then took him on Home. Why? Why a 5 year old child? He couldn’t understand.

“But He loved You! And he loved souls – especially John.”

I wrote the above regarding a poem the Lord spilled out into my heart that day in April, just a few months after Ben died. As poems go, I admit it is not a great work of art but, it was written from my grieving heart and is a compilation of Bible verses and hymns that the Lord used to encourage me and fill me with hope during that difficult time.

Remember Thy wonderful works, oh God?  (Psalm 77:11) But You know my son is gone. I want to see his sweet little face To see him play and run.

All things work for good, Lord?  (Romans 8:28)   A small child living in pain?   I don’t like that verse – it’s hard!   I feel great loss!  Lord, where’s the gain?

You’re the Great Physician, God.  Could You not heal my son?   I prayed his pain would go away.  You said, “My will be done.”

Wait on the Lord, He’ll strengthen your heart.  (Psalm 27:14) But a weak heart and tear-filled eyes Seem to fill my waking hours Sometimes I wish I could die.

“Call unto me” – I did that, Lord!  (Jeremiah 33:3)     Did You show things mighty and great? You took my son Home – “Lord, Your will be done” Is hard for me to say!

You say Your every Word is true. Every promise in the Book is mine. Through fire and water – to a wealthy place. (Psalm 66:12) But I feel stripped of body, spirit, and mind.

Hath God forgotten to be gracious?  (Psalm 77:9) Has He forgotten me way down here? He sees the little bird – wait! I think I just heard His voice saying, “My child, never fear!”  (Isaiah 41:10)

I’m in great need, dear Lord. To Thy throne of grace I come.  (Hebrews 4:16) I’ve found grace to help in time of need And Your mercy to me has come!

Oh, victory in Jesus, my Savior and King I want the whole world to tell! Tho’ His way may seem hard – did He not keep His word?! I say YES! Draw from that Living Well.

Tho’ troubles are all around me. (Psalm 138:7) You’ve promised to revive God is my strength and refuge In Him will I abide.  (Psalm 46:1)

Oh yes, He cares!  I know He cares! Is that a song in my heart?! Now I can smile – He was there all the while!  (Psalm 37:28) From me He could never depart!  (Hebrews 13:5)

I am resolved to come to You, Lord And close to Your side I will stay I’ll lean on our arms, those almighty arms I’ll believe tho’ I don’t understand Your way.

Your ways are past finding out, dear God. Your thoughts are not mine, I know! Tho’ I can’t understand, on the Bible I stand Through the good times and each sorrow and woe.

I’ll remember thy wonderful works, oh God. A light in my darkness I see.  (Psalm 112:4) You’re gracious and full of compassion and true. Made in Your image I long to be!

So today, the day before Mother’s Day, I’m sitting here remembering my Heavenly Father’s many wonderful works in my life through the years and I’m so thankful that His almighty arms are still holding me today.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you dear mom’s out there…remember, your labor is not in vain!